Audience feedback on shot list, script, animatic, plans for her costume, and plot including background

After creating a shot list, script, animatic, plans for her costume, and plot including background we showed these to some members of the target audience we had previously interviewed. I interviewed these people again before creating our final piece so that we could make some last minute changes to our plans for it.

At this stage do you think that we should change anything from this storyboard, shot list and shooting script? Is there anything you think we should include that we haven't or something we should have more of? Anything we should delete or have less of?





Amy Salter- I love the nature shots idea but I think maybe the set should be a little less cluttered than shown in the animatic, so it looks like she has more room to move about and explore, but still show what you keep off, the furniture seems pretty and I like the style that you're going for. I'd also like to be able to tell a bit more why she's there from the video, and not just from the narrative.

Rachael Rielly- I like the idea of you seeing the point of view of the bear and the girl when they spin, you should have more of that and leave out the ones when you can see them both. The shot were she shakes out the cloth and appears somewhere else looks like it will seem a bit sudden and abrupt, could you try and do something to fix this? I also like her costume and make-up but I think she's a bit bare, maybe she could have some more jewellery?











Hayley Gaskin- I love your plans for the appearance and identity of  your artist, she seems interesting, I think her hair and make-up drawn in the animatic really match the genre but she also has her own unique image, especially with the parasol. Could you possibly spend longer than you plan to on the walking up to the mirror and lipstick scenes, this means we get more time to get to know the artist. Perhaps you could include references to the artist's other songs and music videos so that we could find out more about her.

Ellie Wildman- I prefer music videos more when I see the artist sing along, could you have her sing with the track whenever you can, as much as possible, she looks more into her music then and I think this will make her look more like a true indie-pop artist. From the script and animatic there doesn't seem to be much proof of the break-up from the narrative, could you try and but in something that makes this clearer.









Anina Knight- The bears are cute but I think the shot were they are properly introduced is going to be too long and complicated, and frankly sounds a bit too much like a little children's tv show. You should think of another short, but still creative way of introducing them. Likewise I think there are some other shots which you should cut up more as the amount of time you've suggested spending on them seems a bit much, such as the your funny part, the dancing, and the at the table scenes.  you should put shots of other things in the middle. I also don't see why you can't just leave all the stuff on the table there from before and then let her leave it there, it seems like it could be a time waster.

Courtney Knight- I like the start of your video with the bada singing, the way she gets closer and closer to the camera. I think you should make the end of your video match this, seeing as there doesn't really seem to be anything else framing the piece. My favourite thing about it was the nature shots, as many of them as possible please!










After these interviews I created a list of things that, based on audience feedback, we should change before creating our final piece.

References to other russian red songs and music videos should be included.
There should be a framing device, showing more clearly the reason why she's there.
More nature shots
Less mise en scene but more shots of it
Shorten some longer shots such as in the your funny, dancing and table scenes to make them shorter and more interesting.
Have more lip synching
Change the shot that pans under the table to reveal the girl and the bears to something simpler but still creative.
Spend more time on the moving up to the mirror and lipstick scenes.
Use more of the point of view shots of them spinning and cut the one where you can see both of them
More separate shots for the table scene and more nature shots here too.
Tea pouring too long.
Waste of time for her to bring the things over after they already appeared on the table, cut this
Shots at the end should be more like her bada shots than a film reel
More jewellery.

We then came up with ways to create these changes and I written here about how they will add to our piece and make it better.

References to other russian red songs and music videos, a framing device, and the breakup wasn't that obvious from the lyrics or the music video- we fixed all three of these problems by adding a beginning similar to what is seen at the end of another Russian Red music video called Casper, we play the end of the Casper soundtrack at the beginning of our video and show a similar scene to that of the Casper video, which means we now have a reference to another Russian Red song and video which may encourage the viewers of our video to listen and watch more of Russian Red's work. This also works as an other intertextual reference for the piece, and will give a wink to people who are already fans of Russian Red. In Casper it appears as if the man in it may be about to break up with her so we continue from this music video at the start of ours, in this case he does break up with her (shown from her acting and the subtitles we use similar to those in Casper, thus making the break-up more obvious as requested) and this causes her to fantasise about the Eutopic world we features at the heart of our music video. To transition between the world of Casper and the world of our video we represent the idea of a nature fantasy taking over her by having rose petals rain down on her, and then at the end of the video she is once again back in the house but wearing the clothes from the fantasy, showing how it has affected her. Her real life at home before and after the fantasy acts as a framing device for the piece. We have also added a new intertextual reference by having the home scenes before she is changed by her experience grey, and the fantasy world in colour, similar to the wizard of oz.

More nature shots- in some of the scenes were it was complained that we the shot was too long such as during your funny, a dancing scene, and when she is at the table eating and drinking we added nature shots to shorten them. They also helped to take up time to make up for shots we deleted, changed slightly, or made shorter. More nature shots help with adding to our nature fantasy world and creating the idea that the woman has lots of independence and freedom, as she is meant to be identifiable to the target audience they like to see her as being free and independent, and would want to feel this way if they put themselves in her place. By cutting the longer shots shorter by including nature shots in the middle we also make it more likely that we will be able to keep hold of the audience's focus.

We were also encoraged to add more lip-synching and more jewelery to her costume. These suggested let us see even more both how indie pop fans like to see that they enjoy their music (which we will show by having more lip synching) and how they like to feel more of a connection to them (which they will feel when she sing more toward the camera as it will be more like she is singing out to them, the audience.) To help connect with the audience even futher we made the necklace she wears fashionable yet unusual, something which is often thought of as indie pop style. The neclace with the key as the centre meets these requirements and we know that indie pop fans would wear it as one of the interviewes, Rachael Rielly, is wearing one similar to this in her photo.

Shot changes- We placed the extra shots of the mise en scene that one audience member wanted within some of the other shots which were considered too long such as the your funny scene. We also made sure that there way less mise en scene than we originally showed in the storyboard and animatic. This feedback let us known that the typical audience member liked the mise en scene but didn't want it to clutter the scene too much so that the space still looked open and free for her to move around in, this is the way they want to be represent through the artist, as having lots of freedom.

People also said that the tablecloth transition seemed too abrupt and the shot after this when the camera is supposed to pan under the table to reveal her and the bears seemed too long and a "bit too much like a little children's tv show." We decided then to keep her in the same place for this transition so that there was no abrupt change of scenery, and to have the bears suddenly appear after this transition so that it is as if the were conjured up with the tablecloth, emphasising the fantastical elements we are attempting to create with this piece.

Cutting this scene shorter left us more time for the walking up to the mirror and lipstick scenes, letting the audience see her put on more make-up as many teenage girls in this demographic would do makes her more relatable to them, and more time spent looking in the mirror helps to create more voyeurism in our piece, the extra screen time spent looking at the artist will help to increase her star image.

As the point of view shots of the the girl and the bear spinning were more ascetically pleasing we made use of more shots like this and cut the shots were both could be seen spinning, we also included a point of view shot of her spinning and looking at the sky.

As the audience felt there was no need for the girl to once again bring food and drink to the table, only to take it away again we cut these shots from the piece, in the time gaps left behind we added more nature shots and cut up some of the shots of her at the table in the middle which were too long and added nature shots here.

Finally rather than editing the shot at the end into lots of little shots which appears like stop motion we made this part match the beginning of our piece when she moves toward the camera after each line, from an extreme long shot to a close up. But this time it was the girl that remained stationary and the camera moved towards her from an extreme long shot to a close up.